Prison and baby steps

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I couldn’t agree more, my return… has been long awaited.

I started this blog cos I believed at the time, I was starting a new chapter in my life. A slate wiped clean, the dawn of a new beginning. But I now realize, or rather I have realized in the last handful of months that maintaining that sense of starting over, is challenging, quite impossible if you ask me. Ah, unless you wake up with amnesia.

Of course there’s an exception to every situation, but what i’m saying is.. in my case there’s no way I would have woken up and started over.

A lot has transpired over the many months I was away. For once (as cliche as it may sound) I see an actual light at the end of the tunnel , although I know there is still loads of work to be done. But these little baby steps I’m daring to take right now, could just be my escape from the prison I once created for myself. *Prison??* Don’t be nosy, I’m not gonna start moping my blog with sad, self-depreciating stories… just read on and picture an actual prison.

Anyway, I joined Uni for the very first time this May, and my semester, I have to admit, was quite a roller-coaster. I used to think that going to university would solve my many problems *lack of a social life* and maybe  the solution would overshadow my other constant personal bothers.

Very wrong, I was. I had a handful of breakdowns this semester. I was getting more and more depressed. my visions became blurred and I was a zombie for many weeks. As person who once suffered serious depression, I should tell you.. you do not wanna be depressed. Depression is a never-ending battle. You constantly have to find new ways of not being depressed. Cos depression eats up the old ones and they seem boring and stupid.

Nevertheless, I’m glad I made a couple of friends who I may or may not be friends with again next semester, hmm. I’m learning to accept change, constantly trying out new things, getting out of my comfort zone. I’m trying to discover who I really am, what I’m really made of… Cos this month is the month I turn 20. And I do not feel 20, I barely feel 16. I know this is very dangerous, especially when I look 13 or around there.

But baby steps, I still have time. 

Anyway, thanks for reading. I promise I’m back and keep checking for new stuff every now and then.

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At a glance

I have been thinking about starting a blog, and well… here I am. At a glance, I’m an easy approach, I guess

But I rarely talk cos I’m some level of shy and am always worried I might say something too good or inappropriate. lol. I feel like I have weirdo written all over my face right now. (I have always wanted to ‘strikethrough’ words. yaaaaay!!) I am very many things wrapped up in one package. Sometimes I feel I like everything. Or maybe I am still in the journey of finding oneself. i find it oppressingly difficult to answer basic questions like “what do you like doing for fun” i cannot round up all the things i have done and felt like i had fun and give you a definite answer. I am an overthinker, I tend to think. Haha.

I find the line between right and wrong argumentative *too much franklin and bash for me*. I mean who gets to decide what’s right and what’s wrong, some of you may tell me the law. But wasn’t the law written by someone or even people just like you and me. People who’s judgement was affected and characterized by their life experiences. For instance, the law is against doing and dealing drugs… but then again you find some people who choose to disobey the law and deal drugs so successful. You start questioning yourself if dealing drugs is wrong or the law just doesn’t want successful people. And you may argue that the law does want successful people, just not successful people from drugs. And I would say.. how would you know that when you did not participate in making the law. Maybe the lawmakers are just afraid that if drugs would be legal, everyone would be so successful there would be no one to rule over? well, i am an overthinker… this is just my opinion, I am not undermining any particular law, and I am a law abiding citizen.

Anyway, that’s basically it for today. Just something randomly (fun?) for you to read maybe. Thank you for taking your time to read this.